Tuesday, May 8, 2012

that time it was suggested i wear depends

Graduation is fast approaching (4 days!) and I have officially purchased and picked up my regalia. Spoiler alert: Master's robes are even more hideous than Bachelor's robes. And they include a hood. And arm hangy-things. Jon didn't believe me when I told him on the phone. When I donned it at home he promptly informed me that, "you will NOT be taking your pictures in this thing!" For your sake, though, I will most definitely take at least one picture for your viewing pleasure. Here's a preview:
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Anyway, on to the title. All engineering students that are graduating on Saturday got an email from the dean of engineering's office informing us we had a 'free gift' waiting. I headed over with a classmate/friend, Anjali, who asked the nice lady in the office how the heck we are supposed to don the outfit (there was an incident where Anjali's arms were placed in the hangy-things instead of the arm holes and it looked like she was wearing those baby mittens. It was the single most hilarious moment of my week). I then inquired if she knew what I should do if I had to pee during commencement because, real talk, I go every 1.5-2 hours these days. The thought of sitting through a 3.5-4.5 hour commencement with no opportunity to run to the powder room is literally a nightmare come true. With the most serious of all faces, the nice lady in the dean's office says to me, "Well if you're comfortable with it, I would personally just recommend you wear Depends."

Anjali quickly chimed in that she thought this was an excellent idea and that she would even wear the adult diapers with me.

So, just so we're clear, on a day that I am to accept my Master's, it is also fully acceptable for me to pee in my pants, in my chair, at said ceremony. When I presented this quandary to some other friends, they suggested a Shewee, and a strategically placed Gatorade bottle in one of my arm hangy-things. I have a feeling I'm gonna pull a Lorain Community College maneuver of 2007 and hang a right towards the bathroom instead of a left towards my seat following diploma receipt if it comes to that. If I get yelled at I am very good at breaking down into simultaneous ugly cries thanks to these raging hormones. It's enough to make even the hardest of people uncomfortable.

1 comment:

  1. Shewees? Depends? Ugly Cries?

    Congrats on your graduation - none of the above required!