Tuesday, June 26, 2012

14 unknown pregnancy-related things

Fair warning to my male readers (and also to my immediate family): this is most certainly an over-share. You might just want to click over here, or even here, instead. Seriously though, don't say I didn't warn you.

There are some things I feel shafted about by my mama-friends and even own mom (yeah, I'm calling you out!). Okay, every pregnancy is different, but I'm sure ya'll have experienced SOME of these things. Where was my warning!? I felt totally blindsided by half of this stuff! So I decided to compile a list of the unpleasentries I've experienced to spare those of you who are just now getting yourselves into the throes of pregnancy so you can't say I didn't warn you.

1. You will constantly be bumping your belly into objects and people. Your depth perception is totally skewed. I currently have a red mark on my upper tummy from where I opened the medicine cabinet corner into it this morning.

2. Your boobs might leak long before your baby's arrival... and your husband might ALWAYS be the one to notice it before you do.

3. Everyone will be CERTAIN you are having a boy or a girl and this will differ from person to person.

4. Pregnancy farts are the best revenge for all the times your husband "dutch ovened" you. No dutch oven necessary.

5. You may not be getting your period anymore but you may still need those panty liners. Pregnancy discharge is serious business.

6. In your first trimester, do NOT buy anything in bulk. There's a significant chance you won't want it anymore after two days. We learned this lesson with copious amounts of fruit and Rice Chex cereal.

7. Think you're going to sleep as much as possible between now and when you have a newborn? Think again. You will pee every 1.5-2 hours every. night. by midway through your second trimester.

8. One word: snissing.

9. That saying that pregnant women are constantly aching for some loving? False. False, false, false. (Poor Jon)

10. Fetal hiccups are endearing at first, but by about week 34 you will be ready to not feel those bad boys ever again.

11. Pregnancy-related gingivitis, carpal tunnel, heartburn and acne. These are things.

12. Hot flashes ain't just for the menopausal. Case in point: I spent about one fifth of the baby shower sitting in the fridge. Literally.

13. Pregnancy might really change your personality. I went from a super high-strung Type A personality to a way-too-laid-back Type B-er. This would have been fine except for the fact that I accomplished literally nothing the first 28 weeks and now I'm thrown into overdrive trying to get everything done in time.

14. Getting yourself out of bed by about 32 weeks will be next to impossible. You may need a boost from your husband to pull yourself up. Prior to then, you can successfully do so by flailing around like a beached whale and using Newton's laws of motion.

You also might want to head over and read Aliya's post about how you feel by 36 weeks pregnant. I'm in that place already... a week and a half early. Come on, Baby Flip! Let's appear by the end of July, shall we?

4 comments:

  1. So.... should I (we) take this as a hint you want full disclosure about postpartum too?

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    1. Yes please! Give me all the gory details :)

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  2. Haha. Laughing so hard over here, especially over the "snissing."

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    1. I've got a few more I could add to the list including: symphysis pubis dysfunction, appearance of phantom nipples, and uncanny ability to get sunburnt. Sigh. We're getting up there, though, girl!

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