Thursday, December 13, 2012

new baby valley

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for a few weeks now because I'm all sorts of mixed up inside. Marriage is a wonderful thing and it has blessed my life tremendously over the last few years. Even though it is wonderful, it is also incredibly difficult at times and has been one of the biggest challenges I've faced. The fact is, living sacrificially for another person is tough. Selfishness and greed have a tendency to creep in, and their timing tends to be the worst. High stress project at work? Hello, selfishness. Financial problems at home? Hello, greed. You name a high-stress situation and I can almost guarantee feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration will suddenly appear within your marriage. It's one of the tricks of the deceiver.

Having a baby is hardly an exception to the unwritten rule.

Becoming parents together was by far one of our most incredible marital peaks to date. Seeing the way Elden looks at Jon and the way Jon loves on our son melt me to a giant puddle every time. This has brought us much closer as partners and given us new levels of time management and problem solving we didn't think attainable. Along the same token, though, becoming parents for the first time has also been one of our bigger marital valleys. It's not that our marriage is in jeopardy--neither of us have any semblance of a desire to "get out" of it--but it's definitely been one of the more difficult times we've faced. I recently saw this comic. Let me tell you--truer words (at least in Casa de Flip) have never been spoken. If you take that sentiment with a baby who, on the whole, cries much more often and much louder than most (although getting better each week!), that roughly translates to lots and lots of fightersations (see what I did there? It's a fight conversation!). It's not even like we've been having 1 unending fight since Elden's birth. There have been lots of little stupid fights over ridiculous things (that escape me now, natch).  We always come to a resolution relatively quickly. We learn more about how to fight appropriately each week. We try and try not to get short or defensive with the other. But if you couple lots of little stupid fights with general life stress, sleep deprivation, lack of intimacy and the fact that our work schedules are dead opposite so Jon and I get less than probably 15 quality hours of time together just the two of us each week and it is a recipe for a honkin' ole marital valley. We're working our way through it. Some days are better than others. We were told having a baby would be hard, but I never considered how taxing it could be on our relationship with each other. It's just such a weird experience because it has also brought us so much closer and appreciative of the fact that we have the other to lean on when financial stresses are taking over or Elden is refusing to sleep through the night. I am beyond grateful for that support even though at times I just want to be left entirely alone to process my emotions. I know we'll climb our way out of this rut, I just don't like knowing how long that will take. And for all you new parents/new parents-to-be: brace yourselves. It will be hard--feeling darn near impossible at times. But if you are both committed to working through it, you will be even more madly in love with your partner than you were before.

No comments:

Post a Comment