Tuesday, August 26, 2014

biggest fears

As this pregnancy approaches its end I've had a lot of friends ask me whether I'm afraid of labor and delivery. This has made me pretty reflective of what's to come and the things I'm most anxious about. My mind is all over the place these days so I'm just going to write in bullet format to keep things as organized as possible.
  • Totally not nervous about the act of labor/delivery itself. By that point in the pregnancy I am so excited to meet the baby/reclaim my body that I just am ready for it to be over--by any means necessary (C-section, induction, etc. - I don't care if it ends in healthy baby). 
  • That being said... I am still fighting off the miscarriage demons and trying so hard to remain positive these last 8 weeks that odds are #3 will be born healthy and without complications.
  • I think my biggest fear is how Elden will adjust. I have all these irrational "what if he thinks we love him less / are replacing him / don't want him anymore" thoughts swirling through my brain that I'm trying so hard not to waste much energy on. 
  • I'm nervous about how I'll have enough love for both kids. Since it took me a few days to really bond with Elden I expect the same for #3 but my heart is just so full of love for E that I'm worried I won't be able to match that for #3? I'm told this is a totally normal fear but it's still there.
  • Life after delivery. Good heavens, how will we manage with a toddler and a newborn? I like sleep. I like schedules. I'm just really anxious about how Jon and I will be able to take care of two kids, especially when one of us is at work.
  • Recovering from delivery. It was a rough month after I had Elden. Everything I've heard is that recovery from subsequent births seems to be easier (perhaps because you know what to expect??) and I so hope this is true because if my recovery for this one is anything like Elden's... have mercy.
Those are definitely the recurring fears that I re-visit at any given moment. I'm really anxious for my next ultrasound because I don't qualify for FMLA at work until October 7 so if something shows up on that ultrasound and they want to induce me early (earlier than 38 weeks) I will be incredibly stressed. Obviously a healthy baby is the first priority but that wouldn't make me any less anxious about taking maternity leave prematurely...

1 comment:

  1. Oh man. I can totally relate on so many of these things! But I think I'm actually more nervous about labor/delivery this time around. I guess ignorance WAS bliss, right? Now that I know how much that ish hurts....YIKES! :)

    Keep praying and trusting in HIM. He has the perfect child/arrival/arrival date already selected for your sweet baby.