Tuesday, October 28, 2014

edith: 1 week old

age: one week old
stats: she is actually closer to 21" and not the originally reported 20.5"; at her first well-visit she was down an ounce from her birth weight at 8 pounds, 9 ounces
firsts: zoo trip, pediatrician, trick or treat (in the Ergo), bath at home
milestones: not a milestone per se, but edith was tongue tied and needed to get that corrected at the ENT yesterday
goings-on: edith nurses anywhere from once per hour (sometimes less if she is having belly troubles) to stretches that surpass 3.5 hours, though those are rare. nights are still hit or miss with less than hour-long stretches of sleep ranging to the magical 3.5 hour stretch. she is also notorious for pooping mid diaper change - at the zoo today i went through 4 diapers in one change because the second i got it under her butt she pooped more. so if you are a lucky family member or friend who is changing her: you hath been warned. she lost a piece of her umbilical stump yesterday (*shudder*) but there's still a bit there. jon and i are looking forward to her second week so we can implement (or at least try to implement...) the moms on call schedule to make our lives more predictable.

Monday, October 27, 2014

edith's newborn / family pics

Our talented friend, Amanda, took some photos of us yesterday to celebrate becoming a family of four. We are so happy with the results!
a lot of bribery was involved to capture this.
i die a thousand times.
Thank you for taking time to photograph our family, Amanda!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

edith's birth story

At my ultrasound on Monday morning I was just borderline above the cutoff that warrants an induction based on low fluid levels. Since I was 40 weeks, I would have had to come back in a few days for a repeat ultrasound if I hadn't gone into labor by then, and was a crazy sobbing mess when my OB walked in (because he is very very by the book and I did not expect him to give me an induction), my doctor shocked me when he said, "ok, you'll go in at midnight for the induction." I told him I could kiss him on the mouth I was so happy and relieved. I asked which doctor was on call that night (I have 2 OBs) and he told me that he was on until 9 am and then the other doc (who delivered Elden) would be on. Since I was so beyond thrilled that he was having mercy on me I told him my goal was to have the baby by 8 am on the 21st, so within 8 hours of beginning my induction.
not in labor yet induction selfie
The plan was to have me go in at midnight for cytotec (I was still just a fingertip dilated and not any more effaced) which he assumed would put me into labor without the pitocin, just like with Elden. We made all the arrangements for Elden, gave him his big brother gift, and went out to dinner at the Olive Garden (thanks for the gift card, Ang!) as our last family of 3 meal--and also to carbo-load. At about 11:40 Jon and I headed over to the hospital. When we got there we were put in a recovery L&D room instead of an actual delivery room until things picked up. By the time the resident came to check me it was around 1 am (baby and I needed to be monitored for 20-30 minutes before they could administer the cytotec) and lo and behold... I was 3 cm dilated. She asked if I had been having contractions and I said maybe but not anything that would make me think I was that dilated after not having been just 12 hours earlier. Since the cytotec's goal is to cause dilation the resident needed to call my OB to see how he wanted to proceed. It was decided I would be taken to a delivery room and they would start pitocin. The first dose of pitocin was pushed around 1:45 am and I immediately started contracting. They broke my water around 2 am and that just kicked things up higher. For the next 3 hours I kept contracting stronger with them getting closer together, easily every 3-5 minutes. At about 4 I was at -2 station, 4.5 cm and I asked for the epidural. Let's just say this epidural experience was not nearly as glorious as with Elden. I had a large window on my left side, could feel everything internally and I had a lot of pain with each contraction in my butt of all places. Because I was still feeling contractions, the anesthesiologist pushed fetanyl which made me insanely itchy. Since baby was still not close to being engaged our nurse suggested having me sit up in the bed to try to allow gravity to work baby down. I was upright the remainder of the labor until it was time to push.

At 6 am I was up to 5 cm and -1 station. At this point I was not optimistic that I would even come near my 8 am delivery goal. Shift change came at 7 and for this change we had two nurses because one was finishing her orientation. I should also pause to say we had ridiculously stellar nurses the ENTIRE hospital experience--we had 7 or 8 total and we were totally floored by how amazing they all were. The last 2 nurses in the delivery room were older and the sweetest ladies ever. They checked me around 7:30 and I was at 7 cm (so transition). I asked how long it usually takes to get from 7 to 10 and they said they've seen it happen in a few contractions. Knowing my luck I didn't buy into a similar experience for myself but they started prepping the room anyway and I thought to myself that it was a bit premature. Then I started feeling a lot of pressure in my butt. They called my (male) doctor who happened to be in the hospital for grand rounds to tell him he should probably head over. By 8 am they checked again and I was complete and baby was engaged. I resisted the urge to push as my doctor made his way into the delivery room around 8:10. He had me do a practice push and said he would wait to gown up if it seemed like it would take a while. One push with my eyes closed and I heard a bustling of gowns so I knew we were close. Within four contractions, Edith was born at 8:18 am weighing 8 pounds, 10 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches long. She nursed for about 45 minutes then Jon brought Elden back to meet her. He was ecstatic and asked to hold her right away.

Before long, Jon dressed Elden in a pink bow tie to make the official announcement to our parents.

We got early release and came home yesterday. Rough does not properly describe last night but we're surviving. We are grateful for this little girl despite the hourly nursing and lack of sleep. I can't believe we have two kids who were born on their due dates!

Monday, October 20, 2014

40 weeks

Week: 40.
Baby is the size of:  A big rig jackfruit.   
Weight gain: If I had to guess, I think my total gain is right around 35 pounds with this one, similar to Elden.  
Cravings: Getting this baby out. Cookie dough ice cream. Kit Kats.
Sleep:  I definitely think it was worse with Elden. But it definitely hasn't been great.
Movement: Baby doesn't move much during the day but once 8 pm swings around it's a little rave in there. #3 knows just how to leave me on edge during the day.
Symptoms:  Stretch marks. Heartburn. The pelvic pain is back and crazy intense. I also have a ton of pressure everywhere below my belly button. Contractions here or there but nothing that makes me genuinely think "this is it." To be honest I'm floored this baby isn't falling out based on how I feel.
Happenings: I cheated and did this update Sunday night because Monday (late) morning is my fluid ultrasound so I'm not going into work until after (and hoping... not at all... due to low fluids & needing to be induced, just like with Elden). I want to relish in the last moments as a family of 3 in case I do get sent to the hospital for an induction following my appointment, and I know that if I discover I *don't* need induced I am going to be a disaster and will not want to do the 40-week update, either. I chose the text "great vibes" for this week's picture because booooy do we need some great vibes. I am physically and emotionally spent and so beyond ready to meet this baby. Also, I really should have kept a tally because at least 20 strangers have told me I'm having a boy (most were at the mall, a handful were Arby's workers, so on and so forth) and if I happen to be right and it is a girl I will do the most epic "I told ya" dance ever witnessed. I might even throw the earth off its gravitational axis for a hot second. And if I'm wrong I'll happily eat a slice of humble pie (and also, real pie) because I will love that boy just as much. So yeah. Please be praying for us- either that we get to meet this baby within the next 36 hours or that I will not murder everyone in my path and need admitted on a 5150 hold because I do not need induced and will be expected to be pregnant for the rest of my ever loving life.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

remembering our second

One year ago today we found out we would lose our second child. As we stand so close to holding our third we are in a weird place of mourning and excitement. Miscarriage is hard and complicated and messy. It makes me feel all mixed up inside. I still don't know where I stand on the whole soul/what will that look like in Heaven situation and I'm guessing I never will. So for now my heart aches for what we lost but gives thanks for what we have.

Friday, October 10, 2014

the bully

Last weekend I experienced a first in Elden's life I wish I hadn't: the first time he was visibly upset by another child in a way I hadn't yet seen--in a way that broke me.

I am an internalizer. When I am hurt I do my best to keep my game face on and pretend that nothing is wrong. I work through my emotions privately (and often to my disadvantage because rationality is not one of my fruits of the spirit, if you feel me) and apparently Elden has inherited this trait.

We were at Target and I was sitting in the toy aisle while Elden putzed around, pressing all the buttons on all the things. On one of the end caps was a bunch of clearance water toys. He immediately noticed a squirt thing that had tentacles and made his way over to it. There was another child there, a little girl about 4 or 5. As soon as Elden went to pick one up she immediately said to him in a raised voice, "NO! Those aren't *for* you." Her mom told her something to the effect of "that's not nice"--and while I appreciate that she said something I personally think that moment could have been a lot more teachable--and Elden quietly turned to silently make his way into my lap. When he sat down his eyes were wide and he stared off into the distance in the direction of the end cap. I told him it was okay, that he could play with those toys. His bottom lip quivered fiercely.

Typically, if Elden doesn't get something he wants, the reaction is immediate and explosive. Boy's got passion. This? This broke my heart. I could see him fighting away the tears with all his might. I quickly asked if he wanted me to walk over with him to the end cap so he could look at the toys and he nodded. It took less than a minute for him to forget he was upset and return to his often-sunny temperament.

And then it hit me. This is just the first time, and it wasn't even that bad at all. There will be kids who make fun of him. There will be friends who betray him. There will be love interests that don't return the sentiment. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I can support him and love him and be there for him if he lets me, but I can't protect him from the crap that is other people. And I don't like that one bit. I thought I had several years before this became a reality! If I could I would put him in a little bubble, immune to the hatred of the world. But I also know this was an important lesson: sometimes other people suck. It is not a reflection on you. You need to learn to cope with the emotions that come with other people sucking. You will always have your family here to love you and pick you up and support you, if you let us.

I just wish people didn't suck.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

a haircut.

Jon cut Elden's hair yesterday.

I can't handle a) how old he looks, b) what a ham he is and c) all the cute.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

on patience.

If you know me at all you know patience is not synonymous with anything relating to my temperament or attributes.

You also know I've got control issues.

These two things make the end of pregnancy a very stressful time in my life.

If I had the exact date the baby would be born I'd be a lot less stressed. Apparently, this isn't how childbirth works. Despite making it this far in pregnancy twice, I am blindsided by that harsh reality.

At just over 38 weeks pregnant, I know I have time. I'm not upset that the baby isn't out yet, but I am upset that nothing has changed to indicate labor will happen on its own eventually. Every week I go into my cervical checks with no expectations for change but the ever-so-slight hope that *something* has changed.

It doesn't. I cry in the car. I want to know what it's like to go into labor on my own and not need induced, but each week is like a nail in the coffin that almost ensures an eventual induction. I hate not knowing whether anything has changed, but then I hate knowing that it hasn't. After my appointment on Monday where there were, gasp, no changes, I was particularly upset. It probably didn't help matters that I was starving and my blood sugar was low, but I was really discouraged. So my new goal is to focus on the positives if for no other reason than to help make the waiting a little more bearable:

One way or another, there will be a baby on the way within the next 3 weeks.
This buys me more time for naps and okayish sleep at night.
More one on one time with Elden before his world is changed forever.
More time with Jon before our lives are immersed in the chaos that is a newborn and a toddler.
One less butt to change diapers.

Do me a favor when I start whining about not experiencing any changes: tell me you're sorry but leave it at that. If I drone on and on, remind me of one of the five things I mentioned above. In the meantime, I'll be here drowning my sorrows in cheesecake and pie and milkshakes and all the other horrible for me comfort foods I know and love.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

eldenisms (part 2)

To the cat, who was sitting on the window sill and peering outside: Cat! Cat! LOOK AT ME!

Jon: Are you happy right now?
Elden: No. Not happy at all.

To me, as I tried to slyly sip some Cherry Coke at lunch, with his head cocked to one side and his inquisitive high pitched voice: What ya drinking, mommy?

His first prayer ever, which he began while Jon was changing his diaper: Thank you for seeing church. Thank you for Mommy and Daddy. Thank you for Daniel Tiger.

After picking a booger: Got it. It on my fingernail.

Me, whenever I have him completely undressed after he first wakes up, sans diaper: Elden, please come here so I can put your diaper on.
(Elden, dancing): No, not. Too dancing right now.

Monday, October 6, 2014

38 weeks

Week: 38.
Baby is the size of:  A leek.
Weight gain: As of last week, up approximately 21 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Not sure about this week.  
Cravings: Milkshakes. Chips and queso.  
Sleep:  Definitely at the end of the pregnancy. At least 2 bathroom trips per night and the baby wakes me up frequently with the sensation of it trying to escape through my abdomen. It's pleasant.  
Movement: Jon got to see the terrifying behavior of #3 pushing appendages out of my belly skin with all its might. We legitimately saw the outline of a foot the other night. I'm pretty sure he was traumatized. Suffice to say... lots and lots of movement.  
Symptoms:  Stretch marks. Braxton Hicks. I had a few hours of practice labor last week where I was getting contractions every 2.5 minutes for about 4 hours straight, but I just knew that wasn't 'it' so we never went in to be monitored. Heartburn is back and raging. Nesting is still quite apparent as I want to clean and organize everything.  
Happenings: Fingertip dilated, although if I'm being real, I think this is just my OB's way of trying to politely say, "your child is never going to come out but we can pretend because I feel sorry for you." 25% effaced. This was the case at both 36 and 37 weeks, despite the 4 hours of practice labor. I have another appointment this morning and expect 0 changes in the Azkaban Prison that is my cervix. Realized our infant carseat is part of the Graco buckle recall so I ordered the replacement buckle last night... which will be here in 6-8 weeks. Oops. No fears! The one we have isn't unsafe for a few weeks (it might just become difficult to unclip) so we don't need an entirely new carseat. Speaking of.. we should probably install the carseat. And finish packing our bags. Not that this kid is coming out on its own. 

I'm just a beacon of optimism these days.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

#3's nursery reveal

We finally have things finalized in the nursery (with the exception of a few pieces of art that my mom and I are finishing up and a mobile, which, if I'm being honest with myself, I probably won't get around to) so I figured there's no time like the present to share some photos.

We decided to go the gender neutral woodlands theme route with #3's room for a few reasons: 1) I saw a similar nursery in Google images and loved it, 2) we figured if the shell of the kids' rooms were the same, i.e. wall color, wainscoting, etc., it would limit the number of "I want [my sibling's] room" arguments as our kids got older, and 3) we figured it would be easier to grow with them. You will notice an 'E' and an 'Edith' wall art in there - yes, I am hedging my bets. No, we don't know what we're having. Yes, I do have back-up plans in case #3 is a Nohl. But for the sake of decorating I wanted to have something to hang up in those spots so I just went with my gut.