Friday, March 27, 2015

easter eggs

Last night we dyed half a dozen Easter eggs with the kids: Elden was at the helm and Edith was his trusty co-captain.

Elden was so patient as we set everything up which was nothing short of remarkable and once we got into the dying portion he was really into it.


This was a great experience and now I'm really excited to take him for an Easter egg hunt!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

edith: 22 weeks old

age: twenty-two weeks old
stats: 6-9 month and 9M clothes
firsts: apple, banana, trip out of state (IKEA Pittsburgh)
milestones: bottom 2 front teeth have cut through
goings-on: what a week it's been! edith traveled to pennsylvania with us, cut her second tooth, tried new foods and has returned to mostly sleeping through the night. of the three foods she's tried, apple is definitely her favorite. we're also firmly in the habit of bringing her into bed with us first thing in the morning for me to nurse her and i'm fairly certain this quiet mom and dad and edith time is one of her favorite parts of the day. edith began blowing raspberries this week and is quite excited about all the sounds her little mouth is capable of making. we're working on sitting up unsupported still and she doesn't show much of an interest in being mobile which i am quite okay with. edith is officially 5 months old and i'm left wondering where the time has gone...

Monday, March 23, 2015

returning to view

I've been seriously contemplating returning the blog to normal viewing from private. I have a manic personality where I tend towards acting impulsively due to passionate feelings, and I'm trying not to do that with this. The reality is, it's been over a month since I've heard anything from the police so I'm just assuming nothing is going to happen and the relative will never even know I went to the police to begin with. On the other hand, there's always the chance he could stumble upon this blog. This experience has also made me feel a level of vulnerable I have never experienced and the thought of all the possibilities regarding exposing my family on the internet has been a heavy one. I think if I do return to public view I will do so under the pretense of not sharing as much as I normally do. I will certainly share my heart and my struggles, but less about what the kids are up to, less about where we live (did I mention we're definitely trying to list our house this summer?) and less details about our lives that don't really need to be documented for all to see.

I'm doing a lot better. My life has some normalcy to it now (despite being in the throes of a crazy kitchen remodel) and I feel like I'm finally hitting somewhat of a stride with the whole mom to two kids thing. With the official arrival of spring (at least in calendar form) comes the promise of new life and fresh starts. We aren't nearly as cooped up as we were this horrible winter and there's something truly magical in the power of raw and wholesome vitamin D. Jon is patient and kind with me and has stepped up in a big way the past few months. Every day reminds me how lucky I am to have him to hold my hand and pick me up off the floor--sometimes literally--during the darkest of days.

I've pursued some things with regard to the online sexual abuse tool I mentioned, specifically trying to partner with a bigger organization that supports sexual assault victims to help make it a reality. So far I haven't heard a word back from anyone. I'm thinking about just starting a GoFundMe so that I can hopefully draw the attention of these orgs, but with people giving me money comes the responsibility of making things happen and given our current circumstances I just don't have the time to devote what that project needs right now. Hopefully once some of the house stuff settles down I can work towards making it a reality but I need to step back and recognize that I am only one person and while I can work towards change I want it to have a minimal impact on my devotion to my husband and children. If I took that on right now, it would have a gargantuan impact on them. This is me talking myself out of it for the moment because now just isn't the right time.

So, that's where we're at. We're covered in plaster dust, aching for the still evasive sun rays, and pressing onward. We are working towards finding peace in the chaos and remaining hopeful in the thought of a better tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

edith: 21 weeks old

age: twenty-one weeks old
stats: 6-9 month and 9M clothes
firsts: food (cucumber)
milestones: wearing my baby clothes
goings-on: we have mostly reverted back to the old schedule (eating every 3 hours during the day) out of desperation to see if that helps with our nights and it seems to be working. we also caved and introduced some solids (raw cucumber sticks) because edith just seems hungry and was also very interested in our food. she has been very curious about all things we eat ever since. edith is overall a very happy little girl and belly laughs are becoming much more common. she still loves her brother but gets all bashful if she catches you swooning over her. edith is a professional roller now and is working towards sitting up unassisted for longer periods of time. right now elden and i are both sick so i'm praying edith doesn't catch it but (knock on wood) she has been pretty healthy all winter long which is truly nothing short of miraculous. 99.9% of the time edith is such a joy and a light in the dark days of the terrible two's.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

edith: 20 weeks old

age: twenty weeks old
stats: 6-9 month and 9M clothes
firsts: ride in the bike trailer (which was being used as a stroller)
milestones: belly laughs, introduction of the sippy cup
goings-on: in some regards, yesterday was a hard day. in others, it was fantastic: edith was losing it at her brother--she thought he was the funniest thing she had ever experienced and he thought the whole situation was pretty great too. it was also the first day that it was sunny and hit 50 degrees since she's been alive (probably) so we took full advantage and spent about an hour outside. suffice to say, miss edith is just as much into being outdoors as elden. edith still isn't sleeping through the night but some nights are manageable which makes the whole situation much easier to cope with. as part of the regression, we've been bringing edith into bed with us when she wakes up (usually around 6 or 6:15) to nurse and cuddle until i need to get ready for work. edith is totally into this and i'm not hating it. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

brain vomit

There are so many things going on in our lives but I don't really know how to document them. I suppose that's pretty overstated... I guess I just left this blog in a weird heavy place so I don't really know how to go about popping in for an airy little update.

We've decided we're going to sell our house to move into a better school district. This means we are going to remodel the kitchen because it sucks but we're also trying to do it for as cheaply as possible. With a 20% off kitchens sale at IKEA going on through the end of April, we're going to have a Pittsburgh trip in our very near future. As for location, we're looking at four or five school districts in the Northeast Ohio area. Our laundry list is pretty low-key (great schools, 3 bedrooms, central air, preferably city water/sewer, and 2 car garage are really the main things we are going off of) but I'd prefer to head up towards Cleveland a little bit more just because I don't really know what's going to happen to my job long-term with the whole hospital buyout going on. I'd like to be equidistant between Cleveland and Akron so that I'm not limited if it comes down to job hunting. Our goal is to list the house by June 1, which means our weekends are going to be busy busy these next few months.

Edith hasn't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I don't know actual count as I've lost track of time and the days have melted into one giant sleep-deprived blur. We're holding on by the skin of our teeth over here.

I'm not really sure where the investigation stands. I'm gathering that it's dead in the water which I have mixed feelings about but I mostly just want to know whether to close that chapter completely. I still hesitate about returning the blog to public view for two reasons: 1) if said relative happens upon this and finds out I at least attempted to bring him to justice, my fears from before would be renewed and 2) it opens the door to the countless trolls out there to threaten us for ever reporting the abuse in the first place because that's the sad reality of the world we live in. At the end of the day it's not my well being I'm concerned for, but my children.

It's supposed to get into the fiddy's (for those of you who don't use Beyonce speak, that's '50s') this week. If you are not from Ohio I cannot verbalize my enthusiasm.

Jon and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary this year. I really want to try to get to Chicago with the kiddos for a weekend to celebrate because we miss that city so much, but money will likely be a huge constraint. I still dream about taking them to the Lincoln Park Zoo and Stella's for breakfast, but that may be years down the road.

As part of the home selling process, I have been going through numerous closets and purging tons of stuff. I'm realizing how much junk we have that we just don't need and I want to make an honest effort at living practically through the items in our home. I threw out a huge bag of years-old bathroom products (mostly hair stuff that I never used) yesterday but there are still tons of things throughout the house that we just don't use or need. We've donated two cars full to Salvation Army and thrown out at least a few garbage bags worth of items and I really want to continue to widdle down the stuff we've accumulated the past 5 years of marriage.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

edith's 3 month pictures

Even though Edith was wildly uncooperative during her three-month photo shoot with Meg Bowman Photography, Meg managed to get a few that I loved.
 The one that makes me laugh, without fail, every time I see it:
nobody puts baby in a bucket
I had reallllly hoped to get some smiling ones, so Meg graciously offered us a complimentary 6-month session since Edith wasn't having much of her 3-month session. We're hoping she's sitting up by then so we can do a little more with her in the pose department, and we also hope that she finds enthusiasm for the situation then. It's hard not to appreciate Edith's face in these, though, because that's just Edith. Little miss serious.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

edith: 19 weeks old

age: nineteen weeks old
stats: 6-9 month and 9M clothes
firsts: baby tylenol (teeth)
milestones: working towards holding her bottle
goings-on: we have been in the throes of what i'm assuming is the dreaded four-month sleep regression but given edith's health situation i mentioned last week it could actually be a UTI so i have to call her pediatrician today to see if we need to rule that out. all i know is that the past week and a half has been pretty terrible in the sleep department and we're all a little harried because of it. edith went on a nursing strike most of sunday and monday morning and i was convinced that was the end of it but just as soon as she refused the breast (but happily accepted the bottle) she was back to her old self on monday afternoon. edith has also been having random crying spurts,  usually around 3 pm, that last anywhere from half an hour to an hour and a half. when she's not screaming, though, edith is very content to look around, smile and watch elden be his crazy self. her reflux is still there and while i had reintroduced dairy i have begun cutting back to see if we notice any changes in the quantity of spit up. edith is sweet and stern and her serious facial expressions always have us laughing.