Wednesday, July 15, 2015

on priorities

I am (diagnosed) obsessive compulsive. It has gotten better in recent years, but I notice a definite intensity shift when I feel like I'm losing control of life. My biggest obsession is the clutter and cleanliness of my house. It actually becomes tedious to think and make decisions when I am surrounded by dirty dishes, toys, laundry. I feel like I'm suffocating and I become pretty unpleasant to be around.

Learning to be okay with the mess is a pretty large challenge for me. Jon does an amazing job when he is home with our kids--he is able to devote his complete attention to them (what really matters). This is a lesson I am still trying to learn. He is also amazing at rolling with the punches. Edith is still a horribly irregular napper. Lately she has been waking up right when he lays Elden down which means he has 0 "me" time between approximately 5:30 am-3:30 pm every day, and once I get home from work he is still very much "on duty" either cooking dinner or watching the kids so I can cook dinner. That man is a saint, I tell ya.

His job is real, and it's hard, and he's able to focus on the important things. It's something I'm still trying to prioritize. Would I love to come home to a clean house each day? Who wouldn't? Would I much rather he devote that time to loving our babies and giving them memories and stability that will carry them into their teen and adult years? You bet. But the more I really evaluate my priorities the more I realize what a false idol a clean home is to me. I obsess over it. I focus on that way more than I focus on praying, reading my Bible, etc. It's a big heart issue for me and I'm working on it. When The one thing that really changes my perspective is the notion that when I'm on my death bed what will I care about most? It's a rhetorical question, obviously, but it's amazing how big of a shift it causes in my psyche. I need accountability - if you ever hear me lamenting about the state of affairs in my house, please gently remind me that there are much more important things. 

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