Monday, July 20, 2015

delusional

At least half of our family has been sick the entire month of July. 

I'm going to pause and let that sink in a bit.

Now it's all 4 of us. Elden is mostly better, Edith is in a bad way and I'm anxiously waiting the pediatrician's phones being turned on for the day to try to get her in, and Jon and I are just sick enough to be functioning but miserable.

Our day started around 2 am? I'm not sure exactly. I finally waved the white flag to come into work since I was awake anyway so I can get home sooner. I'm really feeling like we are unable to catch a break and I'm so tired I'm semi delusional. If you could keep us in your prayers we would greatly appreciate it. 

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

on priorities

I am (diagnosed) obsessive compulsive. It has gotten better in recent years, but I notice a definite intensity shift when I feel like I'm losing control of life. My biggest obsession is the clutter and cleanliness of my house. It actually becomes tedious to think and make decisions when I am surrounded by dirty dishes, toys, laundry. I feel like I'm suffocating and I become pretty unpleasant to be around.

Learning to be okay with the mess is a pretty large challenge for me. Jon does an amazing job when he is home with our kids--he is able to devote his complete attention to them (what really matters). This is a lesson I am still trying to learn. He is also amazing at rolling with the punches. Edith is still a horribly irregular napper. Lately she has been waking up right when he lays Elden down which means he has 0 "me" time between approximately 5:30 am-3:30 pm every day, and once I get home from work he is still very much "on duty" either cooking dinner or watching the kids so I can cook dinner. That man is a saint, I tell ya.

His job is real, and it's hard, and he's able to focus on the important things. It's something I'm still trying to prioritize. Would I love to come home to a clean house each day? Who wouldn't? Would I much rather he devote that time to loving our babies and giving them memories and stability that will carry them into their teen and adult years? You bet. But the more I really evaluate my priorities the more I realize what a false idol a clean home is to me. I obsess over it. I focus on that way more than I focus on praying, reading my Bible, etc. It's a big heart issue for me and I'm working on it. When The one thing that really changes my perspective is the notion that when I'm on my death bed what will I care about most? It's a rhetorical question, obviously, but it's amazing how big of a shift it causes in my psyche. I need accountability - if you ever hear me lamenting about the state of affairs in my house, please gently remind me that there are much more important things. 

Monday, July 13, 2015

edith: 37 weeks old

age: thirty-seven weeks old
stats: 19ish pounds?
firsts: chocolate, wedding reception, raspberry picking, words
milestones: into everything / starting to talk
goings-on: color us crazy, but edith is well on her way to learning pretty ridiculous words: blueberry, diaper, elden and brother. not that she necessarily associates what they are (with the big exception being elden's name), but she is trying to repeat back to us what we say. the words also sound nothing like their true form but may the record stand that the child's a genius! edith's appetite is that of a grown man - tonight she devoured half of a steak and a fistful of blueberries - and she usually finishes whatever elden leaves on his plate. she still loves her jump up, has stranger anxiety, and cannot be left alone for a fraction of a second lest you discover her with a dead praying mantis clenched in an iron clad grip. edith is all about that bass (the music, not the butt nor fish), with her favorite little ditty being that of mr. elvis presley. she pinches hard and goes from content to rage-baby even harder, but we wouldn't have her any other way.

lives in chaos

I feel so behind on everything that I am just barely keeping my head above water. Jon and I have been treading hard and the extremely limited free time I have I've been investing in quality time with Jon and/or the kids. The past two nights Jon and I have rented movies on our smart tv (which usually isn't particularly smart but has been lovely for Amazon rentals) and have laughed together (recommend both Pitch Perfect and The Duff although if you don't do raunchy the latter is probably not your cup o tea) and we have made the decision to buy a DVD player and start renting movies from the library because we feel like kids again.

Life is funny sometimes.

We sign on our current house title transfer tomorrow and while we were supposed to close on the new house this Friday / move the following Wednesday (which happens to be the day before Jon's surgery--we moved it up on account of him struggling), that just isn't going to happen. They still need to make the list of repairs so our realtor is thinking we won't actually close til the 27th. Also, I just realized yesterday we have to be out of the current place before the 31st and not on the 31st which means we will have approximately 2 days to move everything instead of the two weeks we had hoped. The icing on the cake? My car is likely nearing the end of its life with us so we are actively perusing used vehicles so that I don't wonder if I'll break down every commute. Between medical and moving expenses we are feeling the pinch on our finances and it's nearly enough to suffocate me when I give it too much headspace. Throw in an impending third birthday and related festivity planning and it's no wonder i have soaked up every second of zoning out on these impromptu spousal movie nights...

Thursday, July 2, 2015

toddlerhood

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not loving this age. Since about 1.5, we have been dealing with a 36-inch tall tyrant. You could not ration with him. He was steadfast in his beliefs. Jon and I spent a lot of nights questioning everything we were doing and wondering where we were going wrong. "Elden" could very well be next to the definition of "stubborn" in the dictionary. He could push our buttons better than anyone and it took a lot of restraint not to smack him on the daily.

But lately? Lately I'm seeing little glimmers of that sweet 10-month-old who loved nothing more than cuddles and to smile. Elden's imagination is in full bloom. He is constantly making believe and he sees magic in everything.
My grandma gave him this giraffe costume on Sunday. He has spent the better part of the week in it. He stopped and "ate" several different trees and flowers on this walk because "that's what giraffes do."
He is goofy. He loves making us laugh. He lives for Edith giggles. He smiles a whole lot more than we have seen in months.
He is engaged. I took him to touch-a-truck on a date a few Saturdays ago. We were there for just over two hours and I had to drag him away. Elden was absolutely on cloud nine and continues to ask me to go back on another date.
He needs me again. It's mostly because he's sick, I'm sure, but Elden has been particularly physically affectionate with me lately and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't eating it up. It's a delicate balance of heartbreaking (when he begs me not to go to work) and wonderful (when he crawls up next to you and slides his arm around the small of your back), but I know I'll only be his #1 for a limited amount of time.

I think this is the light at the end of the tunnel. I always hear how dreadful three and four can be. But if this is a glimpse of what's to come, I think we'll be just fine.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

edith: 35 and 36 weeks old



age: thirty-five and thirty-six weeks old
stats: 18.8 pounds; still only 2 teeth
firsts: ear infection, blackberries, raspberries, dose of antibiotics
milestones: starting to pull up
goings-on: edith absolutely loves playing peek-a-boo and will bounce up and down with excitement at the prospect. taking her weekly picture is next to impossible because she wants to do and see all the things, and the only way i got her to cooperate with the 36-week picture was to play peek-a-boo with her. edith is starting to wave when prompted and is thoroughly proud of herself for figuring that out. her favorite food is carpet lint (i know) and she still adores jumping. edith has an insane appetite and can throw food back better than the rest of 'em. she is the type of baby one needs to baby proof for, so that will be one of the first orders of business (assuming we get it) at the new house. this little girl is such a joy and definitely keeps us sharp.

lack of updates

I haven't been writing much on account of life beating us down...
-both kids are sick. Monday I took the day off work to take Edith to the pediatrician (croup and an ear infection). That night, I was in the ER with Elden due to a cough so bad he was puking. They gave him steroids to help with his asthma.
-the new house has at least $5500 worth of mold remediation that needs done. We don't know if the sellers will do it (waiting on air samples to see what type/concentration of mold before we ask them to fix it) which means we may end up backing out. Which, based on yesterday's development, may not be the worst thing in the world because...
-Jon has a hernia and needs surgery August 12. He shouldn't lift more than a milk jug for four weeks after which means I will a) need to schedule the time off work and b) it will be primarily unpaid. I know our parents may be able to take some time off to help and I may try to find a Mother's Helper as well because with the surgery expense (and possibly moving expenses--since he can't lift much we will have to hire movers) I don't think we can afford me to not work for more than even a week. 

Suffice to say, there is a lot up in the air right now. I have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown for about a week, but last night was the first night both kids weren't coughing the whole evening so I feel a little more like I can breathe today. Please just pray Jon's hernia doesn't get worse because if it gets pinched off that would mean emergency surgery which would really throw a wrench in things...