Wednesday, August 26, 2015

edith: 44 weeks old

age: forty-four weeks old
stats: 12M clothes, size 4 shoes
firsts: wagging her finger at jon when he was doing the same to her / telling her 'no'; pork chops
milestones: stood for 10+ seconds unassisted
goings-on: edith has mostly weaned herself and typically 
can't be bothered to nurse for vast periods of time. she is 98% carnivore and 2% herbivore. edith is working hard on standing unassisted and when you help her walk she cruises. she loves to splash in the bath and cracks herself up in the car on the reg. edith is very affectionate and when she is upset she repeatedly calls out for "mamamamamama" until i scoop her up (see also: not hating it). she thinks her big brother is awesome but floor food is awesomer. she is so happy and her squeals of delight often fill our house - a welcome sound for sore ears. she blows kisses, gives kisses / noggins / high fives, and points to things or places she wants.

Monday, August 24, 2015

family photos - 2015

I love everything about these photos, so I will let them do the talking.

As always, humongous thanks to the generous and talented Amanda Otto!

Sunday, August 23, 2015

edith: 42 and 43 weeks old


age: forty-two and forty-three weeks old
stats: 7 teeth!
firsts: managing to stand on her own for more than a fraction of time, regularly wearing shoes
milestones: headstands, blowing kisses
goings-on: all at once edith had four teeth come through on top and a third on the bottom bringing our grand total of teeth to 7. she loves to wave, blow kisses, and tackle-squeeze marsala at any and every opportunity. speaking of, edith usually doesn't coast across furniture unless the cat is on the other end--at which point she will scale the length at the speed of light. edith's hair is always a little bit crazy but i'd hate to trim it just yet because she still has so little, so crazy it shall remain. edith now wears shoes a good portion of the time because she wants to walk everywhere (with assistance). she is surprisingly good about having things on her feet en perpetua but is also quick to give them the stink eye if she is trying to crawl anywhere. her laugh is contagious and she is growing cuddlier by the minute and i wouldn't have it any other way.

Friday, August 14, 2015

you are more

There's a song by Tenth Avenue North that I've heard before but never really struck a chord with me until this morning. I've mentioned before that I have a history of anxiety and depression. Intense desires for perfection coupled with my obsessive compulsive tendencies have given me an incredibly unhealthy amount of self deprecation. I first noticed the degree to which I beat myself up not long after Jon and I got married. I gained 10-15 pounds and absolutely hated how I looked, but I didn't *do* anything about it. My inaction just fueled my fire and I fell into a vicious cycle of self loathing and internal abuse. Eventually I had to untag a handful of pictures of myself on Facebook in a very short period of time which made me think enough is enough and I went on Weight Watchers with much success.

I think you know where this is headed.

Carrying two babies--two babies who I carried like I was smuggling basketballs--has obviously changed my body to a relatively extreme degree. My stomach is my biggest source of insecurity. Not only is it riddled with deep stretch marks, but I have quite a bit of excess skin that just hangs awkwardly. While this was a new development following Elden, it was absolutely exacerbated by Edith. Very few of my clothes from between the kids fit right and I have always been too cheap to buy myself new things. Couple that with my already odd (at least from the clothing industry's standards) body proportions (very wide set hips, no butt whatsoever, long legs) and more than a few times a week I was resolved to tears as I attempted to find clothes to wear for the day. You wanna know what also doesn't help when you're insecure about your appearance? Being married to a guy who has been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that he could totally make it as a model and whose sense of style is on point. This isn't to be a dig at Jon - he has been an absolute saint through my insecurities and emotions our entire relationship. I have a partner who is reassuring, loving and patient when it comes to my emotional baggage (of which there is plenty). But it definitely factors in to how I view myself.

You are fat. You are disgusting. You look like a slob. When people see you and Jon together they probably are wondering what he ever saw in you. 

Guys, I have embodied the whole "my own worst enemy" thing. No aspect of my life has really been healthy since I gave birth to Edith. My faith has been stagnant, I haven't been eating well or exercising, and I couldn't find a single redeeming quality about myself. My self loathing led me to a place where I was far from present emotionally with the kids, I was taking my anger out on Jon, etc.

I recently decided enough is enough (again). I've ridden my bike around our neighborhood a couple of times and I am trying to watch my portion sizes as that was the main difference Weight Watchers made in my life. I haven't weighed myself once since I started this because a) it's not about some arbitrary and, knowing me, probably unhealthy number that I choose and b) it's mostly excess skin anyway and there's nothing I can really do about that. But I've seen a remarkable change in my whole view of myself since I started actually trying to get to a place of contentment. I am much more present with the kids after work. It is much easier for me to put my phone away while they're awake because I don't feel a need to mindlessly distract myself from all of my horrible thoughts. Jon and I are communicating better and laughing more and are just generally in a better place. Every free moment of every day isn't polluted by negative thoughts. I wouldn't say that any moments are necessarily filled with positive thoughts about myself, either, but it's kind of insane how drastically different I feel now that I have a relative level of internal peace. Hearing that song on the radio this morning just kind of drove the point home that I am worth so much more than constantly beating myself up. The last thing I ever want is for my kids to feel about themselves the way I felt about me. Besides, they love me like crazy and think pretty highly of me so why should I think so much less of myself? There will always be room for improvement. And today I will try to be a better version of me.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

ten on ten

...Since I did my first one last September and I don't want to hit the dreaded one-year mark of noncompliance...

Home camp at work. A little bit of art to brighten up the fluorescence. 
Still pumping anywhere from 1-3 times per workday depending on when time allows and whether Edith nurses before I head in. Still hate it.
My coworker had this banana today and OH MY GOSH the picture does not do the cute justice. 
I was so focused on the info for that wedding invitation that I didn't notice the little magnetwork a certain dad did to a certain picture of a certain baby girl. 
"I want to take a picture with you, mom!" - How could I say no? 
Three means you can be my sous chef.
This one put away an entire grilled cheese sandwich and capped dinner off with an entire Greek yogurt. Because she is apparently training for competitive eating.
Always upright, always getting into things. 
Very rarely does she fall asleep in my arms. When she does, I take a little bit longer to lay her down.
Because who would I be if I didn't give you at least a small new casa preview? DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M UP AGAINST IN THIS KITCHEN, THOUGH??

Monday, August 10, 2015

edith: 41 weeks old

age: forty-one weeks old
stats: 12-18 month clothes
firsts: letting go while standing; marinara sauce; cake
milestones: bear crawling
goings-on: edith is climbing and crawling and letting go of things once she is upright and she appears to be in quite the hurry to walk. she knows what "wave" is and will hunt. you. down. to wave hi and bye (and you better return the love or you will get some serious shade thrown in your direction). edith knows what it means to give kisses and is pretty enthusiastic about that as well. she seems to prefer mom a bit more lately and will insist on me carrying her all the live long day which makes things such as dinner prep slightly challenging. edith can climb the stairs and recently scaled elden's picnic table. she tries to put anything and everything in her mouth which certainly keeps us busy...

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

new house

When Jon and I started house hunting we had few non-negotiable items and several preferences. As time went on and we weren't really finding what we had hoped, a few of our non-negotiable items became negotiable (i.e. 2-car garage because Ohio winters suck became 1-car if there was room to eventually expand it). We knew we would be in this house for the long haul (hopefully) because the schools are great so we really wanted to find the right fit. For a while there I really thought it would be one big compromise.

I'm beyond humbled to say we got everything we could have ever dreamed in this house (2-car garage, central air, basement, fireplace, decent sized yard, 4 beds for room to grow and 2.5 baths). A bonus? It was 100% move-in ready (once the mold remediation on the basement was done, anyway) and thank God for that because with Jon's surgery and the closing date being pushed back that was a huge load off my mind.

Added bonuses: our neighborhood has several awesome amenities for a relatively low HOA fee; there are multiple kids on our block, including a 3-year-old boy right next door; we think our yard is big enough to accommodate chickens (although we need to research the rules in our new city); we have a fantastic deck off the back that is roomy and wonderful with a low-maintenance yard.

There are definitely areas that leave room to be desired--our current kitchen is actually smaller than where we started at the first house in terms of cabinet space, for instance--but the frame is there and we are already dreaming of the ways we can make it perfect for us. As we get more settled I will post some pictures, but for now my free time is spent unpacking boxes and trying to find proper places for everything. I miss our old house but at the same time the new one feels cozier and more like home to me than the first house did. It's a pretty wonderful feeling.

Monday, August 3, 2015

three.

Our sweet boy:

Today you turn three. We can hardly believe it. It has been such a joy watching you grow and discover your imagination. Everything common is so much more than that to you. Your soul is beautiful and sensitive. Your dad and I have prayed that you have a heart like Jesus--one filled with compassion--and it is evident that this is surely a trait you possess.

You are bossy and know what you want; there is no bending your will. It can be trying at times but your dad and I are both grateful that as you age you will not succumb easily to peer pressure.

You freely give hugs and kisses and "I know you and love you"s and I will never grow tired of them. Dad and I are beyond blessed to get to live our lives with you in it.

We love you three times three trillion.

Mom & Dad

Sunday, August 2, 2015

edith: 38-40 weeks old

age: thirty-eight to forty weeks old
stats: 26.94" tall (92%), 19 lbs (64%), 43 cm head circumference (26%)
firsts: top teeth, swimming at the new house, time playing in sand, ice cream
milestones: pulling to standing, trying to stand up without pulling up on something
goings-on: edith made the transition to the new house wonderfully and slept like a champ her first week here. despite a second bout of croup and another ear infection she is currently healthy (knock on all the wood). edith's favorite thing is eating and she will dance the entire time she is doing so. she is also known to throw back an entire chicken breast and still want more and it's a wonder she's only in the 64th percentile for weight. she is usually happy and dances to anything that sounds remotely like music. she is all over all the time and has also discovered the steps. she LOVED the pool in our new neighborhood and splashed like a crazy lady. she also loved the sand at a volleyball court we visited and i can only imagine how she'll feel when she experiences the ocean for the first time. our lives are so full with her in them.

here

I am here! We are all moved in (and out), Jon's surgery was successful and he's mainly on the mend, and time has just gotten away from me in the chaos of it all.

Tonight I owe you three weekly Edith posts, tomorrow is Elden's third birthday (wut.), and then there are the obligatory new house posts.

I'll get there eventually and you will be bored of me within a week of my return. I promise.