Monday, March 28, 2016

all the tests

Jon and I had been talking for several months about whether and how we would like to grow our family. We both have hearts for domestic adoption from the foster system, but neither one of us felt like Edith was our last biological baby. However, having a third was such a huge decision that we simply had an impossible time making it. After going back and forth for quite some time, we decided to pray about it and take a not trying/not preventing approach. We would do that for two cycles (February and March) and if no pregnancy resulted we would say it's a sign we should focus on ultimately fostering.
surprise! (this was after a scare with a digital test that clearly stated I was not pregnant)
Lo and behold, I got pregnant in February. I had a few scares--and took a LOT of pregnancy tests (stay tuned for a possible post about why Clearblue with Weeks Estimator tests are the spawn of Satan himself). On February 29, my beta was 274. On March 7, it had increased to 6788. So as of this moment in time we are on track for a healthy pregnancy.
this was on a test that supposedly could only detect levels of 100 miu or higher (i.e., not very sensitive)
Early on I told Jon this is my last pregnancy, regardless of the outcome. My heart can't handle another loss (I actually had an extremely early loss in December - no, we weren't trying... one time, folks. It just takes one time*) and my body can't handle another pregnancy. So this is it. It's a weird spot to be in--as a woman, I am genetically programmed to believe I need to bear children. It just feels weird that I'm as young as I am and this is it. The good news is that I have peace about it and I greatly look forward to not feeling like I'm going to puke every second.
and after this test I had a final scare where it decreased to 2-3 weeks and I learned never to trust CB digitals.
So here we are. It still doesn't feel real. I'm a bit terrified about being outnumbered and I don't know what to expect at all since I grew up in a 2-kid family (as did Jon). We are praying for the best and kind of proceeding business as usual since we are quite busy with Elden and Edith. My gut was telling me this is a boy for about a week and a half because I had the same type of morning sickness I did with Elden and I couldn't get enough cuties - one of the few foods I could consistently stomach my first trimester with him. That being said, this pregnancy started off SO different (I'm on my 5th pregnancy and finally got to experience the notorious breast pain a week before I even got a positive pregnancy test) and initially my morning sickness a) started out earlier than the 6 weeks it did with both kids and b) was a combination of the two... totally unique in its own right. And now it's more like Edith's morning sickness than Elden's. So the only logical conclusion is it's boy/girl twins.

We aren't finding out the baby's sex again so we will know in November.

*The only reason I know this is because I was very sick in December and wanted to take medicine. Knowing there was a slim chance I could be pregnant, I took a test. The line was super faint - so faint that we weren't sure if our eyes were playing tricks on us... except three different brands had the same super faint line. I was also a day late which never happens with my cycles. I don't really feel anything in particular about this loss--hence why I didn't write about it--because it was SO early and it never really seemed real.

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