Sunday, June 5, 2016

the candy and iron anniversary

At this time six years ago, despite not needing to be awake for several hours, I was lying wide awake in bed, horribly anxious about the day ahead. I've always had quite a bit of stage fright and the thought of standing in front of 200 people where all eyes were on me (and Jon) made me physically ill.

The rest of the morning moved both slowly and way too fast and the next thing I knew I was lining up with my flower girls and bridesmaids, preparing to walk down that aisle.

I swore I wouldn't cry. I honestly didn't think I would.

As soon as the doors swung open and I saw Jon waiting for me about three hundred miles away, I lost control. I was a mess. To this day I'm not even sure what I was feeling. I do know that we may as well have been alone in that room--I didn't even realize how many people where in the sanctuary. All I saw was Jon (and occasionally Pastor Dan).

Six years later, the daily excitement of waking up next to my best friend may not register as high as it did those first few weeks of marriage, but my gratitude for this privilege is certainly deeper. These six years have brought some particularly ugly circumstances and behavior out in me, and in spite of all of it, Jon put up with me. More than put up with me, he loved me unselfishly--often sacrificing his own feelings in an attempt to help me work through mine. I am so grateful to be blessed day in and day out by someone who truly is a partner to me. When I was in high school I had a specific vision for where I would be in ten years. I can honestly say my reality has far exceeded those expectations.

Jon, thank you for loving me and choosing me every day. Thank you for your patience with me when I go to my dark place. Thank you for being such an incredible dad to our babies. I love you more than ever before and I would merely be surviving my life if it wasn't for you.

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