Monday, June 26, 2017

monday thoughts

I'm returning to work on Wednesday and I am a nervous wreck. I've been trying to identify why I'm so anxious and a lot of it is a fear that I will go back to the dark place I was in two weeks ago. I'll have three days of work this week then a four day weekend for the holiday, so I am hoping the short weeks will help ease me back into my daily routine.

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This weekend two of my best friends from college drove in from Chicago to visit. They brought with them chicken salsa and Giordano's and so much love. We had a bonfire in my back yard on Friday and went downtown Cleveland Saturday night, but just doing my daily tasks with their company was the highlight of the weekend for me. Angela and Kaycee, thank you for loving me (and my brood!) so well, especially at a time that has been filled with struggle for me.

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I managed to get the big kids out the door by myself and to a parade last week. Grateful for friends who we met up with and who played with my kiddos while we waited for it to start.

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Our church community has played an integral part in my postpartum depression journey. Every day I received texts, cards, and phone calls checking on me, encouraging me, and offering to bring us meals. Our small group generously provided us with gift cards to grocery stores, Target, etc. - helping to alleviate the financial burden of me taking time off work to get better. The support of our church family has helped me tremendously. I am so thankful for them.

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Every day is a different struggle. Things have gotten much better than they were two weeks ago, but I'm learning that I probably won't be consistently 100% "normal" for a while. When I feel the anxiety welling up, I try really hard to focus on a task at a time, but it's not always manageable and I have to get into bed for a little bit. I continue to be so grateful for Jon and our families--as well as my work--during this period of my life. Knowing I even have a job to go back to is huge. Mental illness is a very real thing and there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are also suffering from any form of it. Life is too short to want to spend your days wasting away in bed; if you are suffering from any form of depression / postpartum depression, please seek help. I know how hopeless that pit is and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

1 comment:

  1. LOVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY LOTS! XOXOXO We had an awesome, fun time with you and can't wait for next year :) I hope you have a good rest of your week and I know the scare of the unknown is very high but try to calm the annoying/negative voice. I've named that voice so I can say "shut up, ann coulter" ...it kinda helps especially if you think of it as a third person (if someone actually said those things in real life, you would walk away from them and say they are awful).

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