Friday, October 20, 2017

DIY barbie cake tutorial - wine recommended

So for Edith's third birthday, she requested one of those birthday cakes with the dolls where the cake is the skirt. You know the type. I went online to our favorite bakery to price it out and was met with a $100 price tag. The cakes were gorgeous but there is no way I could justify spending that amount of money on them.

I started looking up tutorials about how to do this yourself and through my sleuthing found this cake pan that does the hard part--shaping the cake--for you. I managed to snag an open box one for $7. Edith picked out a Tiana doll - I can't remember where we got it but I believe it was also about $7. Then I proceeded to put off the inevitable.

She wanted the cake for when we would have her friends come over (Friday night). Being the good blogger I am (/sarcasm), I documented the ordeal for the blog. On Wednesday night I baked the cake.
I first used one cake mix but realized it would not be enough after consulting my friend, Amanda--all things cake expert. I quickly ran out to the store for more mix. After about an hour and fifteen minutes of baking, this is what I was left with:
Please note the "heating core" at the center of the cake is some grade A bull$#&%. The cake was still a little gooey in the center but that's okay because I wasn't using the freaky-doll-with-a-knitting-needle-for-a-lower-body that came with the cake pan and would therefore need to cut out the center of the cake to insert the doll anyway.

On Thursday night I needed to do the frosting. Here's the thing: I am an engineer. I went to engineering school. I had reasons for not going to art school, one of which being that I am not talented at artsy stuff and, generally speaking, attempting to do artsy stuff and the inevitable rage that accompanies such projects for me is no fun for me and even less fun for those around me. Ask all my family members. They will have stories for you.

I digress.

I knew I might need to take the edge off of this project. My lifesaver of a friend, Jen, had brought me a bottle of sweet wine earlier in the day. She was like an angel sent from the heavens. I decided to document the process on my Insta stories because why not?

At this point Jon was eating carrots and hovering. I did not appreciate his loud crunching or his silent judgment.
Once the doll was smoothish, we decided to add some sprinkles. I couldn't figure out how to adequately cover her torso because of the angle of everything. I did what any reasonable person would do and threw sprinkles at it. Jon was not expecting this and about died from laughing. He hadn't drank an ounce but had you been there you wouldn't have believed it.

Lessons Learned:
1. Zoloft is a hell of a drug. While I think I am out of the postpartum depression aspect, my therapist is pretty sure it was caused by untreated anxiety. Jon originally recommended I just smooth the frosting on instead of trying to make it detailed because "you are going to hate how it turns out and be really upset." Turns out Zoloft makes me very laissez-faire. It's borderline unsettling. Every time Jon made a comment about being worried regarding my mental state the only response I had was, "it's just a labor of love, babe."
2. If you've known me for any period of time you know I have misophonia. I've realized that my desire to shank someone for loud eating grows exponentially with my stress level. Almost shanked Jon during his carrot-eating stunt.
3. I am oddly territorial about decorating cakes. The first few times Jon came close like he was going to contribute I warned him to step off. Apparently it has to be my idea for you to Jon my decorating endeavors.
4. I'm pretty sure I will only ever do art projects while drinking from now on.
5. If you were wondering whether it was all worth it, the answer is a resounding yes:
Elden has since told me for his next birthday, he wants a cake like this but a mermaid instead of a princess. Lord, help us.

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