SOS turkey emergency mental breakdown

Last year, I attempted to make a free turkey that we had. I had never made a turkey before and for reasons unknown cooking a turkey scares the ever loving $#@& out of me. In the hierarchy of things that scare me, it goes something like this:

1. something happening to my kids

2. cooking turkeys

3. Donald Trump having access to nuclear weapons

I popped that sucker on the counter for three days to defrost. Then I decided to research how to prepare and cook a turkey. That's when I learned you are not supposed to thaw a turkey on the counter because everyone will contract salmonella and die.

That turkey went in the garbage.

Armed with my newfound turkey wisdom, I volunteered to cook the turkey for Friendsgiving this year. You don't thaw turkeys on the counter. What could go wrong?

Monday morning I gingerly placed the turkey in the fridge to start the thawing process.

actual photo of me on Monday morning. {image source}

Today, it is Wednesday. Friendsgiving is tomorrow. I am planning on prepping the turkey tonight so that all I have to do is put it in the oven in the morning. As my coffee brewed this morning, I decided to check the progress of the thawing.

It isn't good. 

I then proceeded to rapid-fire-manically-text my small group and update them on my fragile mental state (I keep forgetting to take my anti-anxiety medication...this is not a good time to be forgetting such a thing) and our turkey emergency. All week they've been planning a beautiful Friendsgiving complete with mason jars and the fixings, and I'm going to ruin the main event. We're going to end up eating chicken nuggets and lamenting

You know what they say. 

{image source}

Pray for us.