Friday, January 19, 2018

punch to the gut

I recently saw a little snippet of this article on Bloglovin, and being the math nerd that I am, my curiosity got the best of me so I clicked over.

When I got to this image, I felt like I got punched in the stomach:
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It's no secret that working mom guilt is real for me. Between the kids begging me not to go to work on a weekly basis and what society tells me I should be doing, sometimes it's exceptionally challenging to drown out my thoughts of insufficiency.

What started as feeling like I'm being a selfish asshole for being the working parent was quickly replaced with rage.
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It is mother-frigging 2018. The mom-shaming is as real as ever and I am sick of it. What is good for one is not always good for another. I'm a better mom when I am home for my kids because I work and get a break from them during the day. There's some serious dad-level shade going on in this too... the majority perpetuated by men (at least based on that 57% statistic). They do realize that they are saying a child cannot thrive as well under the care of their father as their mother, no? Or is that not even an option that crosses their tightly closed minds because obviously a woman belongs in the home, seen but not heard.

I am absolutely jumping to conclusions. I know nothing of their sample sizes or which statistical tests were run. But based on personal experiences both Jon and I have had when others find out he's the primary caregiver and I am the working parent, I know for a fact these statistics aren't egregious. 

Enough. I can be a loving and involved mother and have a career. My husband can be a nurturing stay-at-home dad and still be contributing equally to our household. I can be dedicated to both my job and my family, and in spite of my family always taking priority, it does not mean I am a less valuable employee--because I get my shit done, and done well. 


  1. You & Jon are doing amazing jobs. Love you guys. I'm with you on mom shaming and especially from men. I miss being away from the house at an office but love that I can wear my PJS to my office now and wor while my kiddos nap. We all need love & support each other especially moms/dads and give each other a break. Life is so hard & short.

  2. Society is the worst measuring stick. You guys are doing wonderful. Your kids are exceptional, bright, well behaved, and very loved. What part of what you guys are doing is wrong? None of it. Life is too boring to be like everyone else. I personally admire both you and Jon so much for proving there is no one right way to raise the kids of today. You guys are doing a great job.

  3. Uggh... this is absolute crap. Even if I didn't feel like I had to, I'd still WANT to work. I too think it makes me a better parent and I enjoy the problem solving aspects of my job. I recently did one of those silly Facebook questionnaires with my kids and one of the questions was 'What makes mom happy?'. S answered "work'. I laughed. But then I thought, let him think work makes me happy. Maybe I don't love my job right now, but I do like working. If he has a career one day, I hope that whatever he does makes him feel happy and fulfilled.

  4. Similar to you - I work outside the home and my husband stays home with the kiddos.
    For us it is the BEST option for EVERYONE!!!
    I'm a better mom when I work.
    Also - I have two daughters - and I think it's awesome for them to see that traditional gender roles don't mean ANYTHING. As a household - we are a team. There are tasks that need to get done. Whoever has the time/talent does it, regardless of gender.