Monday, July 9, 2018

weekending

While not technically part of the weekend, on Thursday night I got a much overdue haircut and eyebrow shaping. Since my hair is naturally light, I have a tendency to not take care of my eyebrows (*ahem* or legs *ahem*) because it doesn't look that terrible...until I get them properly taken care of and it's like night and day and holy cow was I hairy. Anyway, I've been dealing with particularly awful self esteem issues as of late and this haircut made me feel a bit less ugly...
...until I checked the mail on Friday and read the summary of my annual physical that informed me I fell into the overweight category. Don't get me wrong--I knew I had gained weight. I've been so discouraged and frustrated because from November through about February I was exercising 5 times a week and generally watching what I ate and not only did I not lose weight, I managed to gain it. I don't know if it's a side effect of the IUD or I'm just getting older or what, but that was stupidly discouraging. In any case, I had this constant voice in the back of my head telling me all sorts of horrible things and something about seeing it confirmed on paper sent me into a really bad tailspin. This is not what I want for my life--not even the weight per se, just the constant internal yelling about how insufficient and worthless I am. I have no idea how to rewire my thinking. I have to fight the urge to outright starve myself which is alarming on several levels. I didn't mean for this to take such a wildly depressing turn, but it's a glimpse into my head right now. I have made it a goal to lose 15 pounds, which was actually my goal when I first started exercising in the fall. For now I have no real plan on how I intend to do so, but I'm trying to take this a day at a time.

Onward. On Friday night I had moms hip hop since we didn't have it on the 4th of July. Since I had such an emotional afternoon, I convinced Alli to go with me to stuff our faces at a local pub after dance. And stuff our faces we did - I had a Groupon for the restaurant and when we arrived we discovered it was stupidly cheap. We ended up getting 2 slices of chocolate cake, potato skins, onion rings, soft drinks and a pierogi dinner. The food was great and the company was better. I'm so grateful to have a friend who speaks the truth to me when I need it and who commiserates with me and eats a billion calories when I need it. And who hip hops with me. Everyone needs an Alli in their life.

Saturday was play date central. Elden's BFF, Ava, came over in the morning. He had been talking about it for two weeks and has asked me every day since when he can see her again. During nap time I surveyed the yard. This is our most thriving plant--a small pumpkin patch from when I kicked Edith's rotting painted pumpkin off the porch and forgot about it last fall. This spot barely gets rain or sun and I'm actually pretty salty that the plants we nurtured from seed are doing nothing for us but this accidental pumpkin looks fantastic.
Saturday evening we went to our friend's house for a play date with one of Edith's besties. I didn't get any photos of it but the kids had a blast!

On Sunday morning Jon had to run sound at church. I found out over the weekend that my grandma had broken her hip and was in the hospital, so while Jon was at church I took Etta to his parent's house and the big kids and I went to visit her. The kids made her cards and I know seeing them really lifted her spirits. Elden snapped this photo of Edith on my phone while we were there:
After the hospital we headed back to Jon's parent's for lunch and to spend some time with them. That afternoon my parents came by for a few hours to see the kids and Jon got a bike ride in with his dad. 
Elden ended up coming down with a fever and saying that his body hurt everywhere so I'm thinking he might have the flu. We're hoping with a few days of rest he will be back to his sassy self soon. Angela and Kaycee are coming this weekend for our second annual girl hang, so I just need to make it through the work week!

2 comments:

  1. Aw Danielle, I feel you. I've struggled with weight and body image since having my babies, and it can be SO hard - especially when your physical and doctors jump on the bandwagon. I encourage you to investigate all your options, take it one healthy step at a time, and just find what works for you. For me, I've tried everything (like...keto, weight watchers, beachbody...all of it), and I finally found nutritional rebalancing through Isagenix, which works for me. BUT, you just need to figure out what sort of system or support YOU need first!

    If you ever need an accountability buddy, please message me! (missy.e.moore (at) gmail.com) BIG hugs. Your kiddos are TOO cute, and I'm so glad to have found your blog!

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  2. Great post - your hair (and eyebrows) look amazing! :) I love your blog!
    -Jenna <3
    Follow me back? The Chic Cupcake

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